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Video:Like vs. Love Theory

with Jennifer D'Amore

Telling the difference between liking someone and loving someone can be difficult, as can be knowing where these feelings come from. This About.com video gives an overview of the like vs. love theory.See Transcript

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Transcript:Like vs. Love Theory

Hi, I'm Jen D'Amore for About.com, and this video is all about the liking vs. loving theory.

Development of Liking vs. Loving Theory

Love can be a mystery, and psychologists have proposed theories to identify and explain what causes us to love, to like, and to develop emotional attachment. One well known theory is social psychologist Zick Rubin's "liking vs. love" theory. Rubin developed questionnaires that measure attitudes towards another. He identified 13 questions that would identify "liking" and 13 questions that would identify "loving." Individuals that answered these questions about both a romantic partner and a good friend resulted with high marks for "liking" the good friend, and high scores for "loving" their romantic partner.

Examples of Liking vs. Loving Questions

Examples of the "like" scale questions include: "I think that he and I are quite similar to each other" and "I feel that she is an extremely intelligent person." Examples of the love scale questions are: "One of my primary concerns is their welfare" and "When I am with him, I spend a good deal of time just looking at him/her" or "I find it easy to ignore his faults."

Three Components of Romantic Love

According to Rubin, romantic love is made up of three things: attachment - or "the need to receive care, approval, and physical contact with [someone];" caring - or "valuing the other person's needs and happiness as much as your own;" and intimacy - which is "the sharing of thoughts, desires, and feelings with another person." The liking and loving scales give you a way to measure just how much you really like or love someone, and provide insight into the differences between our relationships.

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