Video:Tips for Knowing if You're Marrying the Right Personwith Jane Fendelman
Getting married is a gamble we take purely with faith in the compatibility of the person we love. There's no secret formula, but the questions in this relationship video from About.com are good considerations before you say "I do."See Transcript
Transcript:Tips for Knowing if You're Marrying the Right Person
Hi, this is Jane Fendelman for About.com. Today we're talking about how to know if you're marrying the right person.
Feeling Deeply, Profoundly Connected
I ask people to look at past present and future. Let's start with present first. You need to know that you feel deeply, profoundly connected with your beloved in the present. That means, do you feel that undercurrent of love no matter what you're doing, and even if there is a difficulty you still feel loved and respected if you're not agreeing.
Feeling Physical Attraction
You do need to have a physical attraction to your beloved, otherwise it's not a romance, it's a friendship. So, you want to feel like you want to make love to each other. Hopefully your libidos are similar in intensity, and also it's important that you feel supported, respected, nurtured, loved sexually, and not disrespected or overwhelmed.
It's okay when beloveds have a little bit different level of libido, just make sure that you're each sensitive to each other's needs.
Willingness to Forgive and Heal Old Wounds
Now, let's talk about the past for a moment. Everybody has baggage, everybody has old wounds. Everybody has a tendency to bring them into the present moment. We look through those glasses. Is your beloved willing to work on and clean up and clear out old wounds so that they don't effect your present relationship. Also, if you've been going together for a while, there's bound to be a wound between the two of you.
Is your partner willing to heal old wounds between the two of you. Is your partner willing to apologize, do an active amends because that's what it takes to bring a wound full circle so that you're able to let it go.
Wanting the Same Things Out of Life, Compatibility
Future. You need to have a partner that wants the same things out of life that you do. Do they have similar values? You need to talk about children, spiritual path, you need to talk about where you want to live, city or country. How many children you want to have. How you deal with each other's families and in-laws. These are all important things you have to discuss before you make a permanent commitment.
Sometimes people think they have to look for a partner that's the same as them, and some people say opposites attract. Well, both are true. What you really need to look at is compatibility. You don't have to be the same. But, if you want the same things out of life it's going to work better than if one person wants to live in the city and one person wants to live in the country. Now, you may be a couple that compromises and you live part of the year in the city, and part of the year in the country. Anything can work if the willingness is there.
The right person is respectful, a good calm communicator, and you're still in love with them even after the infatuation period has worn off.
Thanks for watching. If you'd like to learn more, please visit us on the web at About.com.