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Video:Signs You've Fallen Out of Love With Your Spouse

with Kerry Lusignan

Kerry Lusigan discusses signs you've fallen out of love with your spouse in a video from About.com.See Transcript

Transcript:Signs You've Fallen Out of Love With Your Spouse

Hi! This is Kerry Lusignan, and I'm a certified Gottman couples therapist for About.com, and today we're going to talk about signs that you've fallen out of love with your spouse.

Love and Challenges

Over the course of a long-term relationship, it is not uncommon for one person to question occasionally whether they are still in love with the other. Monogamy and partnering pose unique challenges.

Falling Out of Love

If you find yourself wondering whether you've fallen out of love with your partner, you may want to consider the following:Are you still able to recall your past memories with affection, fondness, or a sense of what drew you to him or her? Couples who are happy, or who have the potential to be happy, are able to recall their past fondly, even after life throws them some curveballs. You may want to ask, is there are part of me that still feels an ember burning, no matter how small it is? If there is still some kindling of love or affection, it may be possible to reignite it with the right support and communication.

Why Have You Fallen Out of Love?

Are there experiences that have occurred in our years together that have damaged my love and my trust for my partner? Past traumas such affairs, betrayals and unresolved conflict can often the erode the love between two people, and give the impression of a love lost. If this is the case, it may be difficult for you to decipher how many of these issues are from lack of love, versus issues that need to be addressed.If you're inclined to see your partner's characteristics or behaviors through a negative lens, chances are you can no longer see the relationship clearly, due to unresolved hurts.

Love vs. Not in Love

In a nutshell, it can be very difficult to tell if you're in love or out of love. We live in a society that promotes divorce and provides unrealistic images as to what love should look like.

If you're in a long-term relationship, if you have children, the best way to answer this question is to let your partner know that you're asking it - and then request that they attend couples therapy with you. Unhappy spouses are notorious for not bringing issues to your partner until things reach a breaking point beyond repair. Wondering if you're still in love with your partner is an important question to ask yourself, but even more important is to let them know that you're struggling with this question. Let them know that you're trying to understand why you're having these feelings, in order to see if they can be addressed.

Relationships take years to build and only moments to shatter. It's always best to not act rashly.

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