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Video:How to Tell If You're Ready to Date After a Divorce

with Jane Fendelman

Dating after a divorce can be scary and you may not know if you are ready to meet someone new. This how-to video from About.com will give you some tips so you can determine if you are really ready to get back out there and date after a divorce.See Transcript

Transcript:How to Tell If You're Ready to Date After a Divorce

Hi, I'm Jane Fendelman for About.com, and we're talking about how to tell if you're ready to date after a divorce.

Mourn and Learn from the Divorce

So how do you tell you're ready to date after a divorce? Well, first of all you don't hate your ex anymore. Make sure you've mourned the loss of the last relationship. Also make sure you've taken a look at what went wrong in the relationship, cause as much as we might like to believe that it was all their fault, you probably had some part in it. So, do get with a counselor, or some other organization that will help you look within, to see "what was my part in it?" You're taking responsibility for it, you're more empowered, and you can make sure that same problem doesn't surface in your next relationship.

Find Balance in You Life After a Divorce

You want to make sure you're not going person to person to person. You don't want to go from your ex, right into a new relationship like stepping stones. You want to know that you can feel whole and complete all on your own so that you're not looking to that next person to fill some loneliness or emptiness. You need to have healthy, loving relationships with your friends and your family. You want to have a balanced life with work that you love. You need other things fulfilling you so that you're not just love-starved and looking for someone to put their arms around you and tell you how cute you are. So there is no actual timeline of when it's appropriate, of how many weeks have passed, or months have passed before you start dating again. That's all balanced on how well balanced your life is with your work and your friendships.

Ask Trusted Opinions if You Should Date

Also, you can ask your friends, "do you feel I'm ready?" They're outside looking in. They may have a clearer view, because remember, when you're in love or when you fall for somebody there are chemicals in your body, oxytocin, that cloud your judgement because it makes you feel elated and it can make us make bad decisions sometimes. Just know that we will make mistakes in love, and your job is to love yourself through it, and to have a healthy balanced life outside of that relationship, so that they're not your sole source of support and love.

Overall Signs You Are Ready to Date after Divorcing

So, signs that you are really ready, the signs are you're happy, you feel fulfilled, you're not walking around lonely feeling like your heart is all busted up inside of you, and you're not going into a relationship just for physical pleasure, but your life is well balanced and you're really happy and ready to make that space for that new person. Thanks for watching, to learn more visit us on the web at About.com.

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